


i don't want to lose you

by fauxghost



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Did I mention angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Goodbyes, M/M, Pre-Kerberos Mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fauxghost/pseuds/fauxghost
Summary: Adam and Shiro spend one last night together before the Kerberos mission.





	i don't want to lose you

“So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” Adam stood, barely looking at Shiro as he walked by.

Shiro couldn’t meet eyes with him either, afraid he would do something stupid, like start another argument, or beg Adam to understand why he had to go on the mission. It was impossible to accept that after everything they accomplished together, it was all over. Adam was the one who stayed with him through endless doctors visits, through the painful episodes as he disease got worse. He was the one who was still going to marry him even with the knowledge that Shiro only had a few years left. 

The Kerberos mission would be dangerous for Shiro’s health, and because he would be gone for at least a year, it would mean that he was giving up the little time he had left with Adam for the mission. Spending his final years without Adam seemed unbearable, but dying without ever going into space would mean that all of his life’s work would go to waste. 

The sound of the door closing as Adam left felt like the final nail in the coffin. It felt like an ending.

 

***

 

It was late, and Adam still hadn’t shown up at their apartment. Shiro had been trying to hold out hope that their break up wouldn’t last, that Adam would come back and somehow everything would go back to normal. Or, as normal as things could be when you’re going to die in three years. Shiro put his head in his hands, wishing that their last moments together hadn’t been an argument. He wished he could kiss Adam one more time, and tell him how important he was to him.

The door opened, and Shiro looked up to see Adam standing in front of him. They froze, gazing at each other for a few seconds, a mixture of emotions displayed on Adam’s face. Without saying anything, Adam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Shiro, pulling him into a tight hug. Shiro leaned in, closing his eyes and burying his face in Adam’s shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time. It was silent other than their quiet breathing and the soothing sound of Adam rubbing Shiro’s back in slow circles. 

Adam pulled away slightly so he could look at Shiro. “I love you.”

“But I thought-”

“I could never leave you that easily.” He smiled, but couldn’t hide the sad look in his eyes.

“You had me fooled for a second.” Shiro tried to make it sound lighthearted, but his voice cracked. 

“I’m sorry.” Adam said. “I shouldn’t have walked out on you like that.” 

Shiro sighed, leaning his forehead against Adam’s. “I understand why you’re upset.” 

“I know there’s nothing I can do to make you stay, but…” He took a breath, biting his lip. His eyes were watery. “I don’t want to lose you, Takashi.” 

“You were always going to lose me.” It sounded morbid, but it was true. Shiro had been truthful about the disease from the moment he and Adam got together.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye.” 

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Can we just have this one night?” Adam asked, blinking back tears. “Can we pretend that we’re going to get married, and raise children, and… and-”

“And that I’m going to annoy you for the rest of your life?” Shiro smiled, wiping a tear from Adam’s cheek.

Adam grinned in return, despite the fact that they both had tears in their eyes. “Yeah, and we’re gonna legally adopt Keith, and annoy  _ him  _ for the rest of our lives, and watch him become the best pilot the Garrion has to offer.” 

“Damn it.” Shiro said. “He’s gonna break all my records.” 

“Good. That’ll humble you.” 

“And then what?”

“And then we’re gonna grow old together, and I still love you even when your hair turns gray.” Adam said, absentmindedly running a hand through Shiro’s hair.

“And I’ll still love you when your eyesight gets so bad that your nerdy glasses can’t help, and when your wrinkles get even worse, and-”

“Hey, what do you mean  _ worse? _ ” 

They both laughed, and Shiro closed his eyes, trying to memorize the way Adam’s laugh sounded. As if he could ever forget.

 

***

 

They ended up in bed, holding each other, and talking about their future in between kisses. Pretending that fate had been nice enough to grant them a future together. Both of them knew that it wouldn’t last, that the Kerberos mission was only a few days away, and Shiro wasn’t sure if Adam would be there for him when he came back.  _ If  _ he came back.

Eventually, Adam fell asleep. 

For what might have been the last time, Shiro took in all of the little things he loved about Adam.

The way his hair fell over his forehead in messy waves.

The marks on his face where his glasses left an indent.

His calloused, familiar hands. 

The curve of his jaw, and the smooth skin that was warm under Shiro’s touch.

His strong nose, his cheeks that blushed too easily. 

His quiet, peaceful breathing through slightly parted lips.

The way he had his arms wrapped around Shiro, like he never wanted to let go.

His fluttering eyelashes as he dreamed about a reality without life threatening diseases and dangerous missions.

Shiro’s life was never meant to be long. Whether he died on the Kerberos mission or on Earth, he cold, hard truth was that his time was running out. He had come to accept that fact a long time ago, yet he still found himself wishing he could stay in that moment forever. 

 

***

 

When he woke up, Adam was gone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading. i'm planning on writing more (significantly less angsty) adashi in the future! comments and kudos are appreciated.
> 
> twitter: @waywardbaz


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